I failed. 

I didn’t do a chatty Tuesday post this week, to be honest I didn’t feel very chatty. 

Tuesday afternoon I had my theory test. I needed to get 43 points in the multiple choice, and 44 in hazard perception to pass it. 

I got 60 in hazard perception…but 39 in multiple choice. Meaning I failed.

I was so annoyed and disappointed in myself that I failed it. And I’m dreading telling my driving instructor. Not that he’d have a go or anything, but still it’s just another person I’ve let down. 

So now I’ve got to book another test, and pay another £23 for it. I’m so fucked off with myself, I just so desperately want to get it passed so I can book my practical test. I thought the multiple choice bit would be easy…obviously not.

I just wanted to be able to come out of the test centre, jump in my stepdads car and happily say to him and my mum that id passed; just wanted them to be proud of me for doing it…but my stupid fucking nerves got the best of me. 

When I was stood outside the test centre waiting to be picked up, I watched as others came out from doing their test…all of which looked happy with themselves so they’d obviously passed it. Which just annoyed me even more. 

It took everything in me to not cry when I read the word failed on that piece of paper, and to try joke about it on the way home so I appeared to be ok. 

So next week, I’ll be asking stepdad when he’s next able to take me there again and get my 2nd try booked and just pray I pass it. 

The ‘security checks’ didn’t help with my anxiety; I wasn’t allowed to wear my necklace which I purposely wore to give me strength as it’s the one I have in memory of my friend Andrew, I wasn’t allowed to wear my S.O.P.H.I.E charity band, had to lift my hair up, roll my sleeves up to my elbows, prove I didn’t have pockets I was wearing leggings with a ‘skater’ style dress, they even checked on the inside of my glasses! Swear the security was higher than any bloody airport, all it was missing was a pat down and metal detector! 

Hopefully, the second time round I won’t be as on edge as I know what to expect…but knowing my luck I’ll get shitty questions again and fail again! 

😞

🔹immeamy, you’re you, and that’s the best way to be🔹

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“One More Light”

The official music video for Linkin Parks One More Light was released today. Safe to say I cried my eyes out. 

Here’s a link to it: 

I have always been a fan of LP, and Chester was my first ‘crush’ when I got more into that sorta music. They’re lyrics have helped me through various hard times in my life, and still do now. Their music helped a lot of people, because music is a powerful thing…even more so when the person singing the lyrics understands how it feels to be in the darkness of your own mind. 

It’s heartbreaking that Chester was taken the way he was. It’s still so hard to believe he’s gone. 

This song not only made me tear up because of Chester, but as someone who is still grieving from losing my best friend last year. One more light has beautiful lyrics that really struck a cord with me and how I feel, even taking Chesters passing out of the equation this song breaks my heart but makes me strong at the same time. 

Please listen to it, whether you’re a fan of Linkin Park or not, or atleast read the lyrics. 

There’s always someone who cares…

I do. 

🔹immeamy, you’re you, and that’s the best way to be🔹

Baby Name Tag

I’ve seen a couple people doing this on YouTube, so thought I’d join in for a light hearted post. 

Please note, I am not including my daughters name in this list at all 🙂 

What is your favourite boy and girls name from the Top Names List 2015? 

I can’t decide between Max and Hugo for boy, and Scarlett or Daisy for girl. Though I don’t think I’d use any of those names myself. 

What is your least favourite boy and girl name from the Top Names List 2015? 

Erm…Skye for a girl. Felix for a boy as it just makes me think of a cat lol 

If you had twins what would you name them? (B/B, G/G, B/G)

Twin boys: Toby and Benji. Twin Girls: Melody and Trixie. Then Boy and Girl: Toby and Melody. 

If you could change your name to anything what would it be?

I’m quite happy with my name to be honest, I don’t think I’d want to change it as it goes well with my middle name and surname. 

You have 4 children, any gender but their names must start with the same letter. What would you choose? 

Oh god I don’t know! I’ve never wanted 4 kids and I would never name them all with the same first letter. Erm… Toby, Tommy, Trixie and Tina. 

What’s your favourite animal inspired name? 

I think this counts kinda, but I like Leo for a boy which is sorta animal inspired from Lion. 

What’s your favourite colour inspired name? 

I quite like Scarlett, Violet, and Rose.

Top 3 favourite boy names?

Toby, Tommy, and Bowie

Top 3 favourite girl names? 

Melody, Trixie, and Willow

What’s your favourite celebrity baby name? 

I quite like Tom and Gi Fletchers youngest sons name which is Buddy. 

What is your ultimate guilty pleasure name? 

I don’t know really, I like the name Bellatrix but wouldn’t use it as it’d get shortened to Bella, and I love the name Bowie but I’d probably use it as a middle name not a first name. I love the name Eponine too.

Most hated baby names? 

I don’t know really. I mean I hate it when a parent gives a kid a long name like Jonathan but then calls him Jon all the time…what’s the point just name him Jon! 

Choose a name based on food/drink.

Erm…I don’t think I’d ever name a kid after food or drink lol I honestly can’t even think any! 

Choose a name based on a month.

I don’t really like any month names, I guess May because it was a relatives name. But I’d rather go for a seasonal name of Autumn. I love that name. 

Choose a name from a movie

Boys name is Toby, that’s the baby from Labyrinth. Girls name either Melody from Little Mermaid2, or Eponine from Les Miserables. 

Choose a name that is already in your family. 

My daughters name is the ‘least common’ name in my family (not including her name though). I like my grandpas name (nans dad) which was George, it’s the name I’d use as a middle name if I had a boy, and I quite like my mums name which is Cyndi. 

🔷🔷🔷

I’m not gonna tag anyone, if you wanna do it then feel free 🙂 

🔹immeamy, you’re you, and that’s the best way to be🔹



Being female sucks: Mother Nature visits are the worst visits.

Warning: very hormonal grumpy lady writing this, there will be swearing, there will be grossness, but we’re all adults here so either read it or just wait for a post less ‘offensive’ to you 🙂 

🔷🔷🔷

If I could be a bloke for 1 week a month I think I’d happily take up the offer. No I’m not confused about my gender or born in the wrong body, I’m talking about periods. 

I understand why we get them, but why the fuck must they hurt so much and last for so long?! Oh and no one warns you that after having a child it totally fucks with your hormones! Before having my daughter, I was always bang on every month, not early, not late, I was always on time. Nowadays I can be 3 days early, or 3 days late! Which yeah if I’m early at least it means it’s over and done with, but because I’ve been made ‘irregular’ it means that I’m having to prepare myself a few days before my actual ‘due date’ meaning im wasting sanitary towels but if I didn’t wear them you can bet I’d start early, and have you ever tried washing blood out of clothes?! It’s not easy! Sticking with the hormone changes after child birth…before I wouldn’t get any pains in my boobs, and my skin wouldn’t suddenly go bad, I wouldn’t really bloat much and my mood never changed…but now? A week before I’m due my monthly bleed, the pain in my left tit is unbelievable! Always the left, never the right! It gets so sore that I often can’t wear a bra because even that hurts it. My face? Well that decides to play up too and make me look like some drug addict- I never get the type of spots that you can ‘pop’, I get the ones that are like little itchy lumps they look a bit like a mozzy bite, and unfortunately I’m one of those people that has a compulsion to pick/fiddle with stuff that isn’t normally there, so they become sore then become a scab. Told you this would be gross. As for my stomach, well I think I must put on a stone or so, the bloating of my lower stomach is ridiculous, and my god I either feel super hungry or I feel sick at the thought of food there’s no inbetween. Mood wise I become a bit of an emotional wreck; I don’t sit crying etc though sometimes I feel like I could but my fuse is short and I’m tired and hurting so I eat crap food for comfort then I feel even worse because I’ve eaten crap food (tonight for example I’ve eaten 2 jam donuts, 4 double choc chip cookies and most of a share bag of sour cream and chive crisps. Safe to say I feel rank now).

I just wanna curl up and sleep, but ohhh no, periods fuck that up too! Not just with the painful cramps in ya tummy, but being to afraid to move in case you leak in the night and stain your clothes and sheets. I’m quite a wriggly sleeper, and I rarely sleep on my back, but whilst Mother Nature is paying a visit I always sleep on my back with my legs out straight like I’m in a coffin, which isn’t overly comfortable and gives me major back ache! 

So if the fact your bleeding for best part of a week, have a crater face, look 3 months pregnant and are eating everything in sight then crying and hating yourself after isn’t enough, how about some added pain? Because the cramps aren’t enough, Mother Nature likes to make you feel as if you’ve been kicked in between in the legs by David Beckham! And there’s nothing that makes it go away, other than sitting down which eases it a little. For the first 2 days of my period, I really can’t stand up for long or walk far purely because it doubles me up in agony. And, here’s a really gross bit, there’s nothing worse than being able to feel yourself bleeding! It is a horrible sensation especially if you’re standing up. Gravity is not your friend while it’s that time of the month! 

I got really annoyed today. I changed my Asda delivery day from Monday coming to tonight purely because I knew I needed some more sanitary towels (I refuse to use tampons, hearing stories of toxic shock syndrome really put me off). Now usually if that particular item isn’t in stock, they will substitute it for something else that is as close to the item as possible. Not today they didn’t!! They were out of stock of the ones I use, but they didn’t even bother substituting them for another brand or type etc!! So now, in the morning instead of just curling up to try and stay reasonably comfortable while feeling sorry for myself, I’ve got to go down the shop and pray they have some form of sanitary towels which are gonna cost me over double what supermarkets charge if they do have them. Safe to say tomorrow I will not be a happy bunny, and it’ll be a painful walk there and back especially with pushing a buggy up hill. If they don’t have any sanitary towels, I am going to have a melt down!  

Female products are odd things. I mean, sanitary towels are basically like nappies, and they’re so uncomfortable. Tampons and the weird cup things? No thanks, I don’t really trust them and they seem more disgusting to me than what sanitary towels are. Also, how fucking expensive do they wanna be?! The ones I get aren’t too bad when on offer, they’re £2 for 10 when on offer. But there’s some places that charge almost £5 for one pack! It’s ridiculous for something that is genuinely needed by women. 

I don’t know about you, but I love a good boiling hot bubble bath. Guess what? Periods ruin them too!! Honestly it’s like a scene from jaws which kinda takes the relaxing element out of it! So it’s shower time whenever Mother Nature visits…make sure to use your least favourite bath towels though, because of course you’re gonna step out and become ‘unclean’ again! 

Adverts for female products annoy the fuck outta me. I literally just wanna curl up and not move when I’m on my period, yet these Always and Tampax adverts have women wearing white shorts jumping about and all sorts! I mean obviously every woman is different, maybe there are some girls out there who maybe don’t get heavy periods and can do very active stuff, but I’ve never met anyone who feels that active during their period! 

So yeah, 95% of the time I’m fine with being female…but for one week every month, I hate it. That’s something I miss about being pregnant, was the fact I didn’t have to put up with periods for 40 weeks! 

Any other ladies reading this get where I’m coming from? Or are you one of those advert girls that’s gonna chuck on your white skin tight short shorts and jump on a trampoline for hours on end? 

🔹immeamy, you’re you, and that’s the best way to be🔹

Haul: The Works

Myself and my mum had a little shopping spree online on The Works website on Monday as there was a discount code for 20% off. So we done some Christmas shopping! I thought I’d share with you what I bought and maybe it’ll give you ideas for little gifts or activities. 


Always nice getting parcels in the post rather than bills and junk mail! 


The first item, is some polystyrene baubles. I ordered 2 packs of 2 for my daughter to decorate nearer to Christmas, then we can put them on our tree or even give one to my mum and Nan too. These were £1 each.


I had to order some craft glue as we didn’t have any, and it even came with the little spreaders. Also got snowflake sequin things, glitter and wooden Xmas trees. I actually thought the trees were bigger than that, serves me right for not checking measurements! All these items were £1 each. 


I bought this as another little thing for my daughter to do nearer to Christmas. I won’t use them as placemats and coasters as I wouldn’t want them to get ruined, but I will keep them and maybe use them as Xmas decorative pictures. There’s 4 coasters and 4 placemats for £1.50.


These 2 items are the only things I bought for myself. A butterfly writing set (paper and envelopes) and a make your own pug. I did actually make the pug yesterday, and I planned on keeping it for myself but my daughter decided to name him Bobby and keep him for herself lol so I’ve ordered some more to do and use as decoration. Both these items were £1. Here’s a picture of my completed one: 


I was a bit annoyed when these arrived, as yet again I didn’t check sizing and they’re smaller than what I expected, but I’m not gonna waste them so I’ll still be using them. These were £2 for 20 cards and envelopes. 


This balloon modelling kit is for my stepdad and my daughter to do together on Xmas eve just as a silly little present because I think they’ll both enjoy it. £3 for 40 balloons, pump and instructions so not bad! There is a bigger set for £7 too but I went with this little one instead 🙂 

Onto the presents!


This was £1, and it’s a joke present for my mum as it’s a thing you use to hit the person next to you who’s snoring (stepdad snores apparently) it’s extendable too, though the hand itself does come off which I don’t think it’s supposed to do! But it’s just a jokey present so doesn’t matter too much. 


These are also for my mum, as she’s a weirdo that likes these sweets lol they were £1. 


My little girl has always loved rubber duckies, so when I saw these I couldn’t resist getting them for her. £2 for 3 little Christmas duckies! Pretty cute I think.


I can’t actually remember how much this book was, but it was no more than £3. Again I saw it, thought it looked cute and had to get it for my daughter. 


Ignore the sticker as I didn’t do the 3 for £5. Again this book was no more than £3. I bought this to be given to my daughter on Xmas eve as it’s one of my favourite stories that I have memorised most the words from. 


And lastly I got my daughter this sticker activity book which again I’ll give to her on Xmas eve when we’re at my mums as it gives her something to do 🙂 I think this one was £1, if not then again it’s no more than £3. 

🔷🔷🔷

The Works is one of my favourite shops, it’s brilliant for creative people and also for little gifts. They’re well worth checking out whether online or in store. 

I am waiting for another smaller order of some ‘make your own’ items, so I’ll do another post showing them too 🙂

🔹immeamy, you’re you, and that’s the best way to be🔹

Hot chocolate time! 

I don’t normally like ‘fancy’ hot chocolate with cream and marshmallows etc, but after watching a YouTube video by JazzyBum I just had to try the hot chocolate she made. So I thought I’d share it with you 🙂 

You will need


2 cups, hot chocolate powder (ideally one that isn’t a frothy brand like whispa, stick to a brand such as cadburys that doesn’t froth), squirty cream, milk, and a chocolate bar such as a Twirl or Flake. 


Start off by putting in the choc powder and stirring in some milk. It kind of looks a bit like chocolate porridge! 



In the second cup, squirt in some cream and stir it until it takes more of a liquid form. 


Add boiled water to the cup with the milky chocolate powder and stir well. Make sure not to fill it all the way to the top, you need to leave a gap. 


Carefully pour on the cream from the other cup, you may need to use a spoon to help it out the cup. Do not mix this in. 


Add some squirty cream to the top. 


Crush up some chocolate, Flake or Twirl works best. Sprinkle ontop and you’re done!

This hot chocolate isn’t sickly like a lot of the ones you can get in cafés, it’s lovely and smooth and you don’t get the yucky bit at the bottom from the powder. 

I love it! 

🔹immeamy, you’re you, and that’s the best way to be🔹

Distracting my anxious mind 

Something I’ve never been able to understand, is how I’ve always been able to help others but I can never take my own advice. Whether it’s relationship related, lifestyle, mental health etc. 

Just the other night, I got a message from an old friend at 1am luckily I was still awake and he was having a panic attack but couldn’t wake up his missis; by simply chatting to him over whatsapp and telling him what to do to calm down etc he calmed down so much that he actually completely crashed out back to sleep again. 

Today, a lady I follow on Instagram was having a bad day thanks to her mental health and her doctor being shit, so again I was simply chatting to her and reassuring her of certain things and she actually took my advice and contacted a different doctor along with different mental health charities. 

Yet here I am, writing this very blog post purely to try and distract myself from the fact my heart is beating faster than a winning race horse can run, my palms are sweaty knees weak arms are heavy…oops, Eminem… and my chest is extremely tight because my stupid brain tries to scare me and convince myself that there’s someone in my house/trying to get in. My logical mind knows that the noises I’m hearing are either just normal house clicks and creeks, next door, or even just the awful weather outside as it’s rather windy. The stupid part of my mind needs to remember that my house is near on impossible to get into quietly, especially with my bedroom being over the front door so I’d hear it, and the back door gets stuck so you really have to yank at it to open it so again it’s a noisy door to open. My windows are always shut, and obviously I’d hear if someone smashed one. Also, I live in pretty close proximity to other houses; I’m in an end terrace house for a start so have a house attached to mine with another attached to theirs on the other side, I also have houses directly opposite mine a couple meters away and all around so it’s highly unlikely for anyone to try and break in…I also live in an area with an extremely low to non existent crime level I checked before I moved in so I don’t have anything to worry about I’m in a really nice area…yet my brain will still attack with panic at the slightest sound and make me think up all different scenarios. How can I go from helping and calming others, to bring a nervous wreck myself?! I have genuinely sat here with my phone ready to dial 999 I get that worked up and convinced. It’s ridiculous. 

For someone who has been single since 2012 I don’t really count the month long ‘relationship’ with H purely because we never saw each other and it was hardly a relationship, 2012 was my last ‘serious’ relationship. I get a lot of people coming to me for relationship advice. That just doesn’t make sense does it? Someone who’s been single 5 years and has an awful track record with men surely isn’t the best person to go to for relationship advice right? I mean if I can then I help or advise but I just don’t get why so many people come to me about their partner being a dick 😂 and again it’s something where I can’t ever take my own advice, you just need to see my relationship history for proof! 

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining about helping people, not in the slightest as that’s what I’m here for, but I just don’t understand how/why people come to me and why I can never take my own advice to help myself! I’ve always told people it’s ok to put themselves first sometimes, yet I’ve very rarely been able to do that myself lol 

Human minds are strange little things aren’t they? 

Anyway, enough rambling. I’ll hopefully be doing a post later on this week that isn’t as rambly etc. 

Back to watching zoella vlogs from 2013 to try and calm me down! 

🔹immeamy, you’re you, and that’s the best way to be🔹