Dear Soph…

I wanted to write a kinda open letter thing to my best girl mate Sophie, because sometimes I think we all need a little boost and to know we are appreciated.

I’ll be honest, I have no idea how the hell we actually ended up being friends haha!

We’ve been friends so long that it feels like you’ve just always been there, though it’s been like ten years or so (god we’re old!)

I just wanna say thank you to you for those school years particularly, because you saw me when no one else did, and you treated me like an actual friend rather than just using me when everyone else was busy. You also saved me in PE (when we did actually participate!) by always being my partner, and you saved me from the dreaded walk to and from school on my own many times. Having you around made school a tad bit easier so I thank you for that.

You were also my saviour out of school too.

For all the times I fell out with family you were there to meet me and take me in when I needed to escape.

You came with me to Bournemouth so that I wasn’t going alone.

You sat with me for literally hours in town because I just didn’t wanna be at home.

And you have been part of some fucking awesome memories…yes that includes when you dragged me down that fucking hill and made me land in stinging nettles (in style though!) but at least you helped me in Burger King toilets try to get my stinging Popeye arms into the sink haha!

And of course, the western. You were there for me when I fell head over heels in love with Joe…and you were there when he broke my heart too.

You were there through some of my toughest times when I was fighting nasty battles in my own head- risking your own safety to save me sometimes.

You were always first to notice when I’d disappear, or sometimes you’d realise I was about to before it even happened and got people like Joe to help you bring me back. And for that alone I’m forever grateful.

I hate that for a few years we drifted apart because life is just a dick like that- but whatever bought us back together, I’m glad it did because I’d be lost without you now.

Even though I haven’t seen you in a few years, you’re the only person I can rely on to actually text me (when your phone doesn’t hate me lol) and have a conversation with me about anything and everything.

I can talk to you about anything- from gross stuff like mega periods and my daughters constipation, to random theories, annoyances, man trouble, you name it we talk about it!

You’re also the only friend of mine who’s openly and publicly proud of me for stuff like when I passed my driving test, and that is really appreciated.

I also appreciate the fact that even though you haven’t met my daughter, you still ask about her more than what most family members do, and you’ve been kind enough to send her cards and presents which again is more than what most family members do.

For me, you’re way more than a best friend, you’re family, and you always will be.

You deserve a lot better than what you’ve been given over the years, and hopefully now with recent events you will see that for yourself and believe it.

You’re fucking awesome, and I wish you could see that for yourself.

Time to be who you want to be, and to put yourself first.

No more scrubs! Lol

I love ya cockwomble, and I’ll always be here no matter what. Now that I can drive, we will definitely need to sort out some good old catch up times to make new memories, get some god damn tattoos, and take some better photos because the ones I’ve included are pure cringe haha!!

🔹immeamy, you’re you, and that’s the best way to be🔹

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Random late night chatty post

Hello! How is everyone? I haven’t done a random chatty post for a while, I actually have no idea what I’m about to chat about it’s currently 11:26pm and I just can’t get to sleep so thought sod it let’s go talk to myself on WordPress 😂

As you may have seen, on May 10th I finally passed my driving test! I started lessons in March 2017, and finally passed my test on my 4th attempt. I can’t begin to explain how relieved and happy I am that it’s finally happened and I can now say I can legally drive. I haven’t got a car yet, but just knowing I can drive is one step closer to freedom and being able to take my daughter to places…I am stupidly excited at the thought that it’s now gonna be possible for me to take my daughter to the zoo around her birthday- that was a huge ‘goal’ I had I wanted to be able to take her to the zoo as a birthday day out and let her choose something from the gift shop as another present…and now I can actually do that I can make that happen! As I mentioned I don’t have a car yet, but my Nan is an absolute angel and has sent money for me to buy a car so I don’t have to wait til I’ve saved up etc. I do however have to wait for my stepdad to be able to take me wherever to buy a car as he’s the only person I have here to take me and I know sweet fuck all about cars so with him being there he will know if I’m getting ripped off or not. He’s also gonna look into seeing if it will work out cheaper for me to be on his insurance or something like I said I know fuck all about cars etc which I’m kinda hoping he will do as then I can pay him weekly rather than having a big amount come out at once. Tax however I have no idea how much that’s gonna be or how you have to pay it etc so that’ll be interesting! Where my stepdad is a farmer he doesn’t get a lot of spare time, especially this week as he’s got field work to get done while the weather is dry, but I’m hoping that maybe next week or the week after he will have the time to help me out. My instructor suggested that I go for a Ford Fiesta as they’re not massive cars, can get me to my hometown and back whenever I want to visit, and are cheaper to insure apparently, so I’ll be keeping an eye out for that or something similar. I’m not fussed really as long as it’s a safe reliable car that can get me to where I wanna go in one piece then I don’t really mind! I would even drive a bright yellow car and I hate the colour yellow just to get my freedom. I’ve been going on amazon and looking at different car stuff…I even have a car wishlist on there with stuff like floor mats, sun visor things for my daughter, sat navs, air fresheners, first aid kit, and most importantly, a David Bowie sticker decal to add a bit of awesomeness to my car and to help me find it in car parks easier haha! I just wanna be driving now! I wanna look out my window and see my car parked outside knowing that I can get in and drive wherever I want whenever I want. So I am seriously hoping next week my stepdad can sort something for me!

I’m still desperately trying to get my daughter potty trained, but she has other ideas. She was that adamant not to sit on her potty that she stood in front of it and peed down her leg instead whilst screaming at me that her leg was wet and that she wanted a nappy. It’s driving me insane. It’s not like she doesn’t understand the concept or anything, she knows what both a potty and a toilet is for, and she has used a potty before…she’s just bloody stubborn and difficult! I think I’m gonna have to try some tough love and just hide the nappies during the day telling her I don’t have any so she’ll have to use a potty. Knowing my luck she’ll just do her business on the floor!! Why must potty training be so hard?

I cannot wait for Wednesday, I preordered the greatest showman dvd and it arrived Saturday but I’m saving it to watch with my mum when she’s over on Wednesday. Neither of us have seen it yet but obviously heard songs on the tv and radio and have been dying to see it.

Tomorrow I plan to take my daughter to the park for a bit once we’re up and dressed just to give us both something to do in the nice weather while it’s around. Just hoping it won’t be too hot in the morning.

That’s all I can think to ramble about to be honest! I hope everyone enjoys the rest of the week.

🔹immeamy, you’re you, and that’s the best way to be🔹

30 day challenge: day 9

How you hope your future will be like

Surely that should be ‘what’ not ‘how’. Oh well. My answer is pretty simple really- I just want happiness, stability, safety, and love for myself, my daughter, and those I care about. By stability and safety I mean in the sense of still having a nice home to live in and not having money worries etc.

🔹immeamy, you’re you, and that’s the best way to be🔹

30 Day Challenge: Day 8

A moment you felt the most satisfied with your life:

I don’t know really. I was probably happiest when I worked at Madhouse- I had decent people around me and felt wanted, I genuinely looked forward to going into work every day, I would even go in on my days off! So I guess that’s when I was most satisfied with my life as a whole because of loving my job and my friends.

Obviously I’m happy to be a mum, I wouldn’t change that for the world, and it’s getting even better now that I’m able to drive as I’ll be able to take my daughter out more etc, but there’s still little things that would just make life easier…like if my daughter wasn’t such a stubborn arse when it comes to potty training and food, and it would be nice to not have to budget money as much. But other than that, I’m satisfied with my life because of how far I’ve come mostly on my own. I don’t think anyone can say they’re 100% satisfied, there’s always something that could be better no matter how small.

🔹immeamy, you’re you, and that’s the best way to be🔹

“Just didn’t drink enough to say you love me”

Sometimes Evanescence songs just know.

I never seem to attract men who genuinely want me and my attention. It’s like I’m fine to flirt with when they’re bored or been drinking, and to make me think I mean something to them…but in reality I don’t.

I’m not interesting enough- I don’t go out partying or doing marathons or fancy outings.

I’m not ‘traditionally pretty’ because I’m heavily tattooed and I don’t dress in gorgeous dresses and heels.

I don’t order a tiny salad at a restaurant, if I’m hungry I’ll eat a big meal.

I don’t drink girly drinks, I’m more likely to have a pint.

I just seem to always be the sideline for when people are bored and I’m sick of it. Even when I’ve been in a relationship I’ve still felt second best to everything else.

Just once, I’d like for a guy who claims to like me to actually make the effort to prove it- even with simple things like texting me first just to genuinely want to know how I am, someone who sees a silly picture and thinks I’d find it funny too, or listens to a song that makes them think of me. Just little gestures like that.

But apparently it’s too much to ask.

I’m sick of people making me think I have a chance with them- even telling me that they wanna be with me but then not actually acting on it.

It’s not fair to play games with peoples feelings.

🔹immeamy, you’re you, and that’s the best way to be🔹

30 day challenge: day 7

Your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality:

My zodiac sign is Taurus, which are known for being stubborn, protective, caring, and very loving. All of which are traits I do actually have along with a bad temper if pushed. So I’d say I suit my zodiac sign really well.

🔹immeamy, you’re you, and that’s the best way to be🔹

30 Day Challenge: Day 6

Write 30 interesting facts about yourself

I don’t think I have anything ‘interesting’ but I’ll give you 30 facts anyway

1. I was born on my due date, which apparently only 4% of people are.

2. I have moved house 11 times.

3. I have a daughter.

4. I’m slightly more of a cat person than dog person, though I do love both.

5. I have 3 birthmarks.

6. I am a huge fan of cheesy pop like Steps and S Club 7.

7. Before my ’emo years’, I was more ‘pink princess’ as a way of rebelling against my mums then boyfriend.

8. I’ve had 7 jobs from the age of 16.

9. I went to college for 10 days to do Art, but left because I hated it and wanted a job instead.

10. My first job was at a clothes shop called Madhouse, and I was only paid £3.90 an hour.

11. I had my first tattoo when I was 14.

12. David Bowie is my biggest celebrity idol and inspiration and has been from a very young age.

13. I make lists for everything.

14. I am never late for anything, I am always at least 15 mins early.

15. I passed my driving test on my 4th attempt.

16. And my theory test on 2nd attempt.

17. I genuinely find it hard to go a day without chocolate.

18. Pigeons freak me out.

19. I watch Eastenders and Coronation Street without fail.

20. When I was about 11, I didn’t know how to make toast. I asked my mum where the bread goes in a toaster, then thought I had to butter the bread first.

21. Another stupid thing I asked- when we had chickens we didn’t have a cockerel, so I asked my mum how it was possible to keep getting eggs without a male there to help make them.

22. I have a fascination with Broadmoor Hospital

23. I love anything to do with true crime such as the Fred And Rose West case, Shannon Matthews, etc.

24. I would like to work in a funeral home caring for the deceased and making them look presentable for their services.

25. I can be incredibly shy sometimes

26. I’m extremely protective over other people.

27. I get on better with men rather than women- I find women too dramatic a lot of the time I only get on with a select few.

28. I’m a Taurus.

29. I hate nail files, I can’t even pick one up and the sound makes me feel sick.

30. I used to have my nipple pierced but had to take it out as I kept catching it on towels after having a bath.

🔹immeamy, you’re you, and that’s the best way to be🔹