Chatty Tuesday: Embroidery and Harry Potter

I honestly had to double check the date so many times today to make sure it is Tuesday…I’m a day ahead of myself somehow and it’s driving me nuts!

I’ve done a bit of hand embroidery this week, so I thought I’d share them with you 🙂

First up is a brown cow (because stepdad has Ayrshire cows which are brown n white) and the moon. I made this into a fridge magnet for my mum and stepdad because they recently passed their farm inspection with flying colours.

I decided to try a more simplistic look rather than block colours, so I chose this mermaid, rabbit, and cat face:

Today I decided to do a little simplistic Poppy for my Nan as she likes poppies and I just wanted to send her a little something for helping me with my driving lesson/test money.

Also today I made these 3 little symbols for myself. I was googling symbols for things like self belief, anxiety, strength etc and found these which I liked the look of. I want to take them with me on days where I maybe need a helping hand with my anxiety.

Safe to say my thumb and finger hurt now from all that embroidery lol I really need to get some rubber thimbles and see if they help.

I finally received my limited edition dobby jumper from GeekGear! And I wore it for the first time today…it’s gotta be one of the most comfortable jumpers I’ve ever worn! I got mine in a large (usually for their tshirts I get a medium so they’re a little baggy) and it’s the perfect size. The cuffs are great as you can roll the sleeves up and not worry about them falling down but they also don’t cut off blood circulation by being too tight. I would 100% get a jumper from them again. Just hope it washes up well!

I think that’s it for today really, I’m pretty tired so I might see if I can get some sleep before midnight for a change!

🔹immeamy, you’re you, and that’s the best way to be🔹


Dear Snow, Please Go Away

Yet again we’ve been hit with snow. Only this time it’s meant that my food shopping delivery has been cancelled for today!!! I’ve got no bottled water (tap water here is rank) no snack food, bread and milk are starting to turn…and no chocolate!! So I’m not impressed. I’ve gotta wait and see if it turns up on Wednesday instead. I would go down the local shop for some bits and bobs but the wind is ridiculous my daughter won’t be able to walk against it, plus the fact we’d end up falling over as there’s a few hills!

Also I was supposed to receive my hair dye from Superdrug today but obviously that won’t be arriving either!

I’ve got things to do this week, if they get cancelled I will not be happy!!

I only liked the snow for about half an hour yesterday, and that’s because I took my daughter out the front to experience snow for the first time. She loved it. Next door played out for a bit too, though my daughter just stayed near me and the kids Mum and was running about with the youngest kid rather than the twin older boys (think they’re about 5/6 years old) as they’re a bit boisterous but she had fun anyway. So it was nice to see her experience something new for the first time.

Please snow, can you just go away now and take the ice with you…please?

🔹immeamy, you’re you, and that’s the best way to be🔹

Anxiety, Another Gift From You To Me…

Title of this blog is actually lyrics from a song by a band called Star Fucking Hipsters called Anxiety.

I think I’ve mentioned somewhere before about how ever since my daughter was born my anxiety has got worse.

Well lately it’s been really playing up and driving me insane!!

My main issue is at night as soon as I get into bed.

Houses have a tendency to make noises, like clicks and creaks…even more so depending on the weather, for example right now it is extremely cold and windy out so the houses are getting a proper battering from the wind, causing window creaks etc. The logical side of my brain knows that it’s just simple house noises, but my anxiety brain thinks differently… kinda like oh my fucking god did you hear that noise? What was is it? It must have been someone getting in, there’s someone in the house. Oh fuck what if they come upstairs what if they harm or even kill me and my daughter what can I do I need to keep as quiet as possible maybe they’ll go away. I know I’ll dial 99 so that I’m ready to press the third 9 for the police if they come upstairs. If I sit up and get the golf club then at least I’m ready if someone comes in. But wait what if there’s more than 1, what if they have guns or set fire to my house. What if we get trapped. I’ve got nothing heavy enough to put infront of the bedroom door as a barricade what if I can’t stop them. What if they take my daughter. Where could I hide her if there’s people in the house? What am I gonna do I can’t sleep what if I fall asleep and don’t hear them come up the stairs…

Can you see how that drives me mad and makes me panic? I have all that zooming round my head while my heart races and my lungs seem to forget how to inhale and exhale properly. The logical side of my brain tries to shout over it all and sometimes I hear it and can calm down…other times I will be sat bolt upright in bed holding on to a golf club for god knows how long until I’m so tired that I just fall asleep without realising.

Anxiety is fucking exhausting. Even more so when you have to try and hide it, like if my daughter is still awake I can’t show her my panic because I don’t want her picking it up and being scared herself, so I’ll usually just stay very quiet and play with her hair so that she doesn’t necessarily pick up on how I’m feeling.

Anxiety for me also makes my Restless Leg Syndrome flare up- though it’s more restless body as even my back will feel all twitchy. That is not only annoying and uncomfortable, but I wake up the next morning feeling as though I’ve run a marathon. I’ve actually woken up with pulled muscles from it before which isn’t nice.

When I’m anxious, I scratch/pick at my skin around my finger nails without realising most the time until I catch a hangnail and it really bloody stings! I hate that I do that, but I can’t help it it’s my natural reaction- some people fiddle with their hair or bite their nails, everyone has different nervous habits!

My main daytime anxiety is all thanks to low flying aircraft. The second I hear an airplane or helicopter my heart just races ten to the dozen I hate it, and I find myself saying to myself “please don’t crash please fly over please keep going” until the sound has gone.

I know that people will suggest medication but I really don’t want to be on medication for various reasons as well as the fact I never remember to keep taking them and I know others will suggest CBT stuff but for me personally I never found any of that helpful in the past it works wonders for many people but for me personally I didn’t benefit from it so it’s something I’ve got to try and figure out for myself and learn to handle better, which is easier said than done!

But for now I just want to put it out there that at the moment my anxiety is being a twat and could sometimes have an effect on my mood etc, but saying that I am alright I’m not struggling with daily tasks etc and it’s not effecting my daughter as like I said above I can hide it from her- I’m still able to be perfectly happy and ‘normal’ for lack of better words, I just struggle mainly at night when it comes to falling asleep. Other than that I am perfectly fine so there’s nothing to be worried about in a sense, just maybe have a bit more patience with me and be understanding that’s all.

🔹immeamy, you’re you, and that’s the best way to be🔹

Becoming an organ donor

I’ve always been a bit unsure on if I wanted to be an organ donor when I die, purely because I didn’t like the idea of my body being cut up if I’m honest.

But I’ve been thinking about it recently, and decided that when I do die I would want to be cremated so that I could be kept with my family rather than being in a box under ground on my own.

So with that decision, I thought well seeing as I’m gonna be burned to ashes what’s the harm in being cut open for my organs? After all, the body is just a shell for your spirit, so it’s not like my spirit would be all chopped up.

Probably sounds silly to anyone reading it but it’s how I felt and my own personal beliefs.

So today, I’ve signed up to be an organ donor, though for some reason I can’t bring myself to include my eyes in the list at the moment- that may well change but for now my eyes stay with me.

🔹immeamy, you’re you, and that’s the best way to be🔹

Chatty Thursday Post

Evening, I hope you’re all well and having a good week so far.

Today has been so bloody stressful! I recently changed electric company to get better value for money. I received the new top up key and followed all the instructions but it just wouldn’t work. I actually phoned the company today while stood in the shop and they told me that they’d send a key to the shop and that I would need to use a code to authorise it, and that they’d put £20 on it as a good will payment for sending me a faulty key. That was fine, until at 5 I got a call from them telling me I’d have to collect the new key from a shop that is about 45mins away from me by car! So I went absolutely bat shit crazy at her because she told me I’d be able to get it from my local village shop, the shop I was standing in when I first spoke to her. So now they’re apparently posting a new key out with £20 on it, and the manager will be reviewing the first phone conversation to see if I am owed more compensation for being given false information. Such a ball ache! And I bet my new key doesn’t arrive til after the weekend. Insert lots of swearing and huffing here!!

To add insult to injury, when I got off the phone to the manager of the electric company I went and started my dinner…the fucking tin opener broke!!! So it took me forever to open the tin I needed, and now after eating my dinner I feel a bit yuck. Safe to say today can go fuck itself lol it started so well too!

So I recently signed up to Netflix and have been watching Orphan Black. My god it’s brilliant! I’m almost finished with series 5 I think. I actually posted a photo on twitter as I’d been told I looked like the character Cosima…I was so shocked at how many likes it got! One of which even being the official Orphan Black Twitter account lol what do you guys think?

I’ve got my 3rd attempt at a driving test coming up this month. Again I’m absolutely dreading it as I hate being in a test environment. However I’m not as anxious as I was last time for some reason. I’ve made a point of not telling anyone other than my mum what date my test is, purely because the past 2 times I felt like I had a lot of pressure on me with people saying they believed in me etc, so this time I’ve only told those who need to know. My instructor has suggested I try using something called Kalms to take the edge off my nerves and anxiety…I’ll try anything if it helps! He said that a lot of people he knows have used them and it really helped, so fingers crossed.

I got myself a little yoga book from The Works, and Mum has let me borrow her yoga dvd to try. I think tomorrow ima clear a space in the living room amongst little ladies toys, and give it a go! No doubt my daughter will join in with me and laugh her head off at me! I’m not interested in the meditation side of it, it’s more the exercise/fitness side I’m interested in. I just want a flatter tummy again!

I really want Easter weekend to hurry up, Mum has invited us over to hers for the weekend and we’re gonna do a little Easter egg hunt for my daughter too which she is really looking forward to. And, it means we get to go to the chippy on Saturday and have a roast on Sunday! Forever thinking about my tummy I’m awful haha!

Right I think that’s enough rambling for one night!

🔹immeamy, you’re you, and that’s the best way to be🔹

Music Box Of Memories. Part 1

I’m going to start this series with 2 songs that remind me of when I lived and worked at a pub in Basingstoke called The Great Western Hotel.

We often had Karaoke nights which were always really popular, and always a great laugh to be part of.

This first song is Foundations by Kate Nash. Now the memory of this song will always amuse me.

I was behind the bar waiting for another member of staff to take over when the karaoke started. Dan the DJ asked me if I’d sing something while we were waiting for more people to turn up, but obviously I couldn’t leave the bar as I was the only member of staff. So I chose I song I knew all the words to that wasn’t too difficult to sing- Foundations. The look on people’s faces when I was singing at the same time as serving was priceless, and some were shocked that I even liked that song let alone knew all the words.

The second song I have great memories of, is Fast Car by Tracy Chapman

There was this bloke called Dave Green who had an absolutely gorgeous singing voice, and he was just genuinely lovely too. I’ll openly admit I had the biggest crush on him, absolutely adored him. Dave would come and ask me what to sing, and every time I said Fast Car. There was one time he actually sang the whole song to me as I sat at the bar infront of him. Every time he finished that song he’d always give me a massive cuddle because he knew it was my favourite. So that song always reminds me of him and the crazy butterflies I got every time I heard him sing. I actually only sang with Dave once, and that was to Summer Nights from Grease…I was so nervous but desperately wanted to sing with him too. There was one time in a different pub called The Wheatshief the western had closed so our karaoke nights got moved to that pub when there were some rather vile blokes at the bar. They were sleazy, rude and disrespectful perverts if I’m honest. One of them would just not leave me alone, every time I got up to sing he’d try and put his arm around me, he grabbed my bum a few times as I walked past him, would make perverted comments at me and kept saying he was gonna take me home with him. He wouldn’t listen when I kept telling him to leave me alone. At one point I told him I had a fiancé so wasn’t interested in him I even moved one of my rings onto my engagement finger but that didn’t stop him. Until Dave walked in. I went running up to him and through my arms around him which I often did anyway and told him about this creepy bloke at the bar, before I even asked him to play along Dave said to me that he’d be my fiancé for the night to try keep him away. Dave had gone to sit down and I was standing next to him chatting to everyone when again this bloke tried to put his arm around me and kiss me, with that Dave very quickly pulled me onto his lap and wrapped his arms around me. The bloke looked shocked and asked who Dave was, so he replied with “I’m her fiancé is there a problem here?” To which the bloke shook his head and left me alone the rest of the night! I was so grateful that Dave had turned up when he did, and pretty lucky too really as I think that guy at the bar would have tried to follow me home if I’m honest.

🔹immeamy, you’re you, and that’s the best way to be🔹

More Series’ Of Posts?

I quite enjoyed doing a ‘series’ of posts with my ghost encounters, so I want to try and do some more little series posts about different things.

Recently I’ve been feeling pretty lonely and missing different things like certain nights out etc, so I made myself a memories playlist on Spotify that link to all different happy times of my life that I’ve been thinking about lately.

I thought I’d maybe share that playlist with you along with the memories related to each song. Not only will it give you as my readers an insight into my past, but it will also be a place I can look back on and read for myself too.

Anyone interested in that at all?

🔹immeamy, you’re you, and that’s the best way to be🔹