I didn’t do a chatty Tuesday post this week, to be honest I didn’t feel very chatty.
Tuesday afternoon I had my theory test. I needed to get 43 points in the multiple choice, and 44 in hazard perception to pass it.
I got 60 in hazard perception…but 39 in multiple choice. Meaning I failed.
I was so annoyed and disappointed in myself that I failed it. And I’m dreading telling my driving instructor. Not that he’d have a go or anything, but still it’s just another person I’ve let down.
So now I’ve got to book another test, and pay another £23 for it. I’m so fucked off with myself, I just so desperately want to get it passed so I can book my practical test. I thought the multiple choice bit would be easy…obviously not.
I just wanted to be able to come out of the test centre, jump in my stepdads car and happily say to him and my mum that id passed; just wanted them to be proud of me for doing it…but my stupid fucking nerves got the best of me.
When I was stood outside the test centre waiting to be picked up, I watched as others came out from doing their test…all of which looked happy with themselves so they’d obviously passed it. Which just annoyed me even more.
It took everything in me to not cry when I read the word failed on that piece of paper, and to try joke about it on the way home so I appeared to be ok.
So next week, I’ll be asking stepdad when he’s next able to take me there again and get my 2nd try booked and just pray I pass it.
The ‘security checks’ didn’t help with my anxiety; I wasn’t allowed to wear my necklace which I purposely wore to give me strength as it’s the one I have in memory of my friend Andrew, I wasn’t allowed to wear my S.O.P.H.I.E charity band, had to lift my hair up, roll my sleeves up to my elbows, prove I didn’t have pockets I was wearing leggings with a ‘skater’ style dress, they even checked on the inside of my glasses! Swear the security was higher than any bloody airport, all it was missing was a pat down and metal detector!
Hopefully, the second time round I won’t be as on edge as I know what to expect…but knowing my luck I’ll get shitty questions again and fail again!
🔹immeamy, you’re you, and that’s the best way to be🔹