Last night I made the mistake of looking through old photos at silly o’clock and comparing myself to how I used to be in those photos. Not gonna lie, it made me feel pretty shit and realise I have pretty much 0 confidence anymore.
I’ve always had self esteem and self confidence issues, but they’re a million times worse nowadays. I hate it. But I’m my own worst enemy as I don’t have the motivation levels to stick to exercising and healthy eating- I give up too easily if i don’t see instant results and I mean really instant like doing a day of being healthy and expecting to look different when I look in the mirror, I’m impatient when it comes to myself.
Before I had my daughter, I never weighed more than 7 1/2 to 8stone. I was 7stone when I fell pregnant then went up to almost 13 from how big my bump was, and now I’m just under 9stone. My skin used to be pretty good I rarely had to wear foundation, whereas now no matter what face creams I use my skin is dry and I don’t feel comfortable enough to go out without makeup on. My hair used to have life to it but now it’s thinner and lifeless and I’m never happy with the colour of it.
I know that 9stone isn’t over weight, it’s actually a healthy weight for my height of 5ft 9, but to me it feels heavy I’d rather be 8 stone and have my stomach and legs a bit more toned again like they used to be I’m too wobbly for my liking at the moment.
Looking at the old photos not only made me feel worse about how I look now, but it made me feel proper lonely. I used to have so many friends and fun nights out, there was rarely a weekend I wouldn’t be with friends.
Whereas these days I’m lucky to even get a text every day that isn’t from my mum. Only person who really bothers with me is Sof. Now I know I moved away from my hometown, which I’m still glad I did, but it would be nice to atleast have people who want to know how I am still.
It also made me feel pretty shit that back then I did actually get a lot of male attention, even if it was just a guy doing a double take and smiling at me. Back then it didn’t mean anything to me I just kinda ignored it really, but looking back and comparing it to now… I don’t even get a first glance these days let alone a second or a smile, so that in itself has knocked my self esteem and made me feel even less attractive.
I don’t know, I just feel really shite when it comes to my looks etc lately. Kinda feel like I’ve disappeared in a sense. And for some reason I’m hating most of my tattoos, mainly my arms- looking at older photos I just think I looked better without them especially my left arm. But there’s nothing I can do about that now, I can’t afford laser removal and the thought of the blistering healing process turns my stomach. I think if I could remove the left half sleeve I have I’d feel better as it’s just too dark and I hate it…but I can’t justify spending thousands on removal.
I just appear to really hate myself lately.
Anyone else get days like that? Or is it just me
🔹immeamy, you’re you, and that’s the best way to be🔹