You guessed it, it’s silly o’clock in the morning and even though I’m shattered I can’t seem to fall asleep no matter how hard I try. I’ve scrolled through social media, played Sims Freeplay on my phone, looked for different blogs to follow…so my last resort to save me just staring at the ceiling is to ramble away in a blog post instead! (You’re welcome)
Do you ever get the sudden urge of wanting to change something? Usually with me it’s my hair I either end up cutting it or dying it. This time though it’s so much more than that I want to change. I guess I want to reinvent myself in a sense. I’m bored of my hair, I want it longer but it stops growing at a certain length, I want it thicker but lately it seems to be getting thinner! And I want it a slightly lighter colour. Body wise I want my tummy and thighs to be more toned, and to actually get back my bum that has apparently disappeared. If I had the money, I’d get a whole new wardrobe; a LOT of my clothes are years old, or super baggy, or they used to be my mums- infact every pair of jeans I own now are all my mums old ones that don’t fit her anymore.
It’s not just my appearance/style I’m bored with, it’s my lifestyle/routine too. I’ve been slowly changing things round in my house starting with my bedroom which has made the room feel nicer even though it’s no where near finished. I just need to work on my self discipline I guess- I’m terrible for being a bit messy; for example I’ll maybe keep my makeup all neat in in draw for a while, but it will slowly become less neat, or I’ll start piling clothes up rather than putting them away properly (that’s a point, I really must sort my wardrobe out properly again!) Just silly things like that which do eventually end up getting on my nerves, so I think I need to try and change my ‘routine’ to try and almost train myself to not be so chaotic with things. Where I live it’s quite awkward to get out anywhere interesting due to buses being irregular and taxis costing an absolute fortune- which can sometimes annoy me a bit especially when the weather is nice as all I think is things like “if I could drive we could be at the zoo or go out shopping”, which is why I’m praying that I can learn and pass my driving lessons/tests fairly quickly (starts on Thursday ahh!) So that I can take my daughter on summer adventures to different places or even simple things like to be able to go and do my food shop each week instead of ordering online and getting it delivered.I guess in that sense I’m kinda craving more freedom. I am hoping that when I eventually pass my driving that it’ll give me more confidence to maybe make some friends; I’ve lived here for nearly 3 years and I don’t actually have any friends haha! We used to go to a toddler group and the mums there were lovely etc but I don’t think I matched with them to actually become proper friends- for a start most of the ladies weren’t single mums like myself and are married, and I think the majority of them were closer to my mums age than mine. Don’t get me wrong age and relationship status don’t bother me, but on top of those differences I guess I kind of felt like the ‘black sheep’ with how I look and act compared to them. (I think my humour is different, and I was definitely more ‘alternative looking’ to them) though if I’m honest, I’ve always struggled to get on with females anyway, I’ve always got along better with males for some reason, so maybe that’s why I felt I couldn’t really make a friend with the ladies in the group? We stopped going to it a while ago anyway as my daughter started to not enjoy it as much and would become really bloody grumpy every time it came to leaving. She sleeps in quite late recently too so we’d never be up and ready in time for it anyway!
Next year, it’s my brothers wedding (we’re not blood related I’m an only child, but for years he’s called me his little sister). It’s in July so the weather should be fairly nice…only problem is I have no idea what the hell I’m going to wear to it! I haven’t actually been to a wedding as an adult so haven’t had to really choose my own outfit before…help! I honestly have no clue what I can wear that looks nice and presentable, that won’t let me be too hot or too cold (I reel the cold really easily) and also doesn’t draw too much attention to me (when I wear skirts or short sleeves I have a lot of tattoos on show which can lead to me getting unwanted attention). I can dress for interviews perfectly fine I’ve always actually received comments from employers on how well presented I looked, but weddings?! I have no idea! – why I’m getting worried about this now I don’t know, I have over a year to get something to wear!
I don’t even know if any of this lot makes sense, or is even remotely interesting; but it’s 3am, and I only have myself to talk to so this has just been me thinking out loud rather than just in my head! So I apologise for the randomness and lack of anything interesting! I blame mr insomnia for not allowing me to sleep and causing me to ramble away about random boring bollox 😂
I hope anyone reading this gets a better sleep than me! I wouldn’t wish this upon anyone it drives me mad!
I’ll shh now and attempt to sleep again, sorry haha!
🔹immeamy,you’re you, and that’s the best way to be🔹