“Are you happy now?”

A question that doesn’t have a simple yes or no answer. 

In a sense I am happier within myself now as I feel I am more chilled out rather than slightly highly strung, I don’t allow things to get to me as much, and I can distract myself away from painfully low moods. But I do all of this because I have to- being a parent I have to be ok in order to look after my daughter, it wouldn’t be healthy for her if I was constantly grumpy or angry etc like I used to be a few years ago. Don’t get me wrong, my happiness isn’t faked or forced, I am truly happy to be a parent and feel so lucky to have my daughter, but I guess being a mum has made me realise I couldnt carry on the way I was- being on the brink of self destruct all the time and pushing away the ones I loved.

 Being a mum has made me experience a totally different kind of happiness, a sense of pride that I so far have bought up a beautiful almost 3 year old single handed and just feel utter joy and pride that she exists…the simplest of things she does makes me feel all warm inside and puts a smile on my face, from the way she uses her imagination while playing, to how she dances to music, even to how peaceful she looks when asleep, my daughter has given me a whole new kind of happiness, the happiness only a parent can ever understand.

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Of course there are things in life I wish were different that could possibly make me happier, such as not having to worry about money (even though I’m brilliant at budgeting it would be nice to not have to budget so much), being able to visit interesting places (if I pass my driving test that will change), to own my own home rather than renting so that I know I’d be 100% stable in one place for as long as I want (that one is highly unlikely to happen), to not feel as lonely (I don’t have any friends where I live, and my friends in my hometown aren’t the greatest with messaging lol), to eventually get a job doing something I’m interested in that won’t become a burden and effect my life negatively as a single mum (I don’t want to be too tired to play games with my daughter, or be so stressed that I end up grumpy at home), and even having a decent relationship that actually lasts and is stable (though that isn’t high on my priority list, in fact it’s probably at the bottom just as a nice idea rather than a priority). 

The truth is no one can ever be 100% truly happy, it’s impossible there has to be a balance to everything in life- no amount of money or fast cars can secure happiness there’s always something more everyone wants…which isn’t greedy it’s human nature. It’s like with self image, you could be the most body confident person with a great figure etc, but you could absolutely hate how your voice sounds. We as humans can never be 100% satisfied and happy with absolutely everything in our lives…and that’s fine, life isn’t supposed to be easy it’s supposed to be made of challenges, the way in which we handle said challenges are what builds our characters and makes us who we are. 

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So in answer to the question “are you happy now”, I’d say for the most part yes, but it depends on the day 😉

🔹immeamy, you’re you, and that’s the best way to be🔹

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