Is it just me?

So next weekend starting from Friday afternoon (23rd), my good friend Mackenzie is visiting for a couple of nights. As I’ve mentioned before in previous posts, the thought of anyone other than my mum or Nan coming to stay in my house sets off my anxiety a little…in fact I don’t even like it if I have to let a repair man in or someone from housing association unless my mum is here with me, for some reason it just puts me on edge. But I am determined to not let my anxiety get in the way.

 I’ve always been someone who doesn’t really care about what others think of me…or at least I thought that anyway. In a way I’m kind of ‘worried’ about people judging my house…being a parent to a toddler my house is full of toys, especially my living room- which doesn’t bother me as my daughter needs somewhere to play where I can keep an eye on her! But I guess I worry that people may think my house is a mess compared to theirs because of the copious amounts of toys or stickers that are stuck everywhere but in a sticker book. My house is not dirty, there’s a big difference between dirty and a bit messy, though I wouldn’t call my house messy I’d call it Lived In. I hate seeing people’s houses that look like show homes, they don’t come across as homely to me. Am I the only one that gets anxious about this stuff? 

I also worry about people judging my parenting…my daughter is a happy and healthy little girl I have no doubts on how well I’ve bought her up, but, she is the most fussiest eater on the planet! She doesn’t eat meals, or anything hot, the closest hot thing she eats is toast. There’s literally a handful of things she’ll eat and even that isn’t all the time as she goes through fits and starts of eating it which is why she still has formula milk at night to give her the nutrients she’s not getting from food. To have someone stay with me that’s not actually seen me as a parent before just makes me a bit anxious that he’ll wonder why my daughter doesn’t eat properly compared to other kids he knows. Don’t get me wrong he’s not an arsehole at all in fact Mackenzie is one of the nicest people I’ve ever met, but it still just sits in the back of my mind I guess. I don’t want anyone to think I’m a bad parent for having an overly fussy eater as a daughter, not that I think he would, but her fussiness isn’t my fault as she’s always been offered everything and I’ve tried every trick to try and get her to eat properly she’s just stubborn and fussy and will hopefully grow out of it eventually. This probably makes no sense as I’m just allowing my anxiety to spill out to release it a bit! 

Another ‘worry’ I have, is what the hell do I make for dinner?! I’m not used to cooking for another adult I haven’t had to do that for a few years now. I’m not a breakfast and lunch type of person, never really have been as I’m more of a grazer, but I don’t think he is like that so what am I meant to do food and snack wise? I haven’t had to be a ‘host’ since before my daughter was born, and that was easy as we just ordered in pizza but no food places deliver to me and there’s none within walking distance. I also have to go careful with what I eat as I don’t want anything to set off my IBS…Help! 

I hate that my anxiety flares up like this, especially as years ago I always had friends over and was always the host. I guess because I haven’t had any friends visit me since being here it’s like a whole new experience…like when you’re a kid and go to your first sleepover (bad example, I hated sleepovers and would pretend I felt ill to go home!). I’m in a constant battle with myself, I almost cancelled on the visit but I decided not to as 1. I really wanna see him it’s been almost a year, and 2. I can’t keep allowing my anxiety to take over my life and stop me enjoying myself. I don’t think Mackenzie reads my blog, but if he is then he’s probably thinking I’m a right tit haha! He knows I’m a worrier, but I don’t think he knows just how much I worry! 

You wait, I’ll be gearing myself up to kick anxieties arse, and he’ll have to rearrange (for a third time) because of forgetting about other commitments haha! 

Does anyone else have anxiety issues when it comes to people visiting you? Or am I just a total weirdo that needs to man up? 

🔹immeamy, you’re you, and that’s the best way to be🔹

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