Immeamy Advice Time 3

Learning To Like Yourself.

A phrase I’ve heard for many years from other people to myself is “if you can’t love yourself no one else will”. This phrase has annoyed me since the very first time I heard it as I don’t totally believe it’s true. I do however believe that you need to like yourself in order to be liked and loved by others, here’s what I mean by liking yourself:

Find the positives
Step back and think of all the good things you have done in your life, big or small, or think about things like that pound coin you put in the guitar case of a busker as you walked by. Showing kindness, compassion, and love towards other people makes you a pretty decent person, and what’s not to like about that! So forget about how past relationships have made you feel like you’re a bad person and that everything is your fault, because if you’re a decent person that won’t be true. So like yourself for having those positive loving traits.

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Know your worth

Now I don’t mean money here obviously, I mean your self worth. You deserve better than some sleazy nasty man who only wants you for one thing, or a violent woman that knocks you about for breathing too loud. Do not settle for second best, no one deserves to be treated like that, so tell yourself that what you deserve is real true love, not negativity and nastiness of any kind.

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Accept your past and learn from it

Everyone makes mistakes in life, whether it’s not studying for an exam and failing it, or even sleeping with someone you now regret sleeping with. There is no point in living your life punishing yourself for your past mistakes; instead, stand up, admit you were wrong, and learn from it so that you can move on with your life and do things differently instead of beating yourself up about something that happened years ago that as no relevance to your life now. Everything happens for a reason, but that doesn’t mean you have to find the reason for everything if it’s not obvious. 

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You are beautiful. 

This is one I personally struggle with really badly. I’ve never liked my body and how I look, even before pregnancy when I was really skinny, I couldn’t see that and I wanted to be slimmer. I’m not saying you need to look in a mirror and tell yourself you’re amazing etc because if you don’t believe it then you’d be lying to yourself. Instead, pick out things you like about yourself; it could be your personality, your laugh, or something physical. (For me, I like that I’m a caring selfless person, and physically I like my eyes, cheek bones and jaw line). It doesn’t have to be something really obvious, but there is always at least one tiny thing everyone likes about themselves. There is no right or wrong way to be beautiful, everyone has different opinions as to what is beautiful and what isn’t, which means there is someone out there who will love the way you flick your hair off your shoulder, or the way your eyes sparkle when you smile. Don’t allow negative comments from anyone take over you and take away your beauty from you. 

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Don’t put up with shit.

Personally, I have no time for drama in my life. I just simply can’t be bothered with it because nothing good comes from it (that’s why I’ve not got many friends these days, I cut out a lot of negative people from my life). If someone is making you unhappy, don’t put up with it, either tell them or simply remove them from your life (on Facebook alone my block is is over 100 people for that exact reason). If a ‘friend’ gets pissy with you for no reason, don’t sit and stew on it letting it make you angry and upset, just forget it as you don’t need that kind of attitude in your life to bring you down. You are not a doormat, don’t allow people to walk all over you.

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Don’t be so hard on yourself.

This is another one I struggle with but I’m working on it- don’t put yourself down or doubt yourself so much. If you have the attitude of “I can’t do it I’m stupid I’m going to fail”, then chances are you will fail but not because you lack ability, because you allow your lack of self belief to take over. With me, I never aim high, or set goals as it puts pressure on me which makes me more anxious, if I don’t expect anything then I won’t be disappointed; instead I say to myself “I can do this, I will try my best and if it doesn’t work I can try again or move on it’s fine”. As long as you try that’s all that matters. We can’t be amazing at everything in life, but there’s no point in allowing ‘failure’ rule our lives. 

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Have self respect and morals

Don’t go out feeling sorry for yourself for being single and end up in bed with a one night stand after drinking copious amounts of alcohol, it won’t make you feel better if anything you’ll feel worse. Have respect for yourself and take care of yourself because you don’t really want to add to your list of regrets and mistakes for the sake of getting any form of affection and attention from anyone who’s willing. 

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It’s ok to be single. 

When I was younger, I hated becoming single even after bad relationships, but as I grew up I realised that it’s perfectly ok to be single. I’ve been single since 2012 (I don’t really count 2016 as that wasn’t even a month and we didn’t see each other) and honestly, even though sometimes it would be nice to have someone to cuddle up to and have a laugh with or get good morning texts from, I’m actually quite happy being single. There’s no pressures of keeping someone else happy, no one to argue with, no one to make an effort for other than for myself. You need to learn to not be so reliant on others and realise that actually you can do perfectly fine on your own. The right person will come along, and if they don’t then it isn’t the end of the world! 

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To love yourself is asking a lot of yourself, so be realistic, and just atleast learn to like yourself, even just a little. 

🔹immeamy, you’re you, and that’s the best way to be🔹

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