Chatty Tuesday 

I’m back to writing in the evening again haha! Hi everyone how are you all doing I hope you’re all fine and dandy. 

My daughter has not long fallen asleep on the sofa, so I’ve just taken her upstairs and put her in bed then came back down. I usually just go up to bed with her, as she has nightmares every now and again and if she wakes up and can’t see me she proper freaks out and gets really upset, but I thought tonight she seems pretty deep in sleep so she should be ok for an hour or so up there by herself. I’ve got the tv off so there’s no noise so if she does wake up at all I can hear her and run up to her. I’ve just tidied up her chaos in the living room, and now I’m just sat on the sofa just to breathe really. I don’t do this often, I’m not usually one for silent rooms, but right now I just feel I need the quiet to kinda recharge myself in a sense. Since moving here I have been to my home town twice a year by myself to just recharge and get some me time (even though the second I leave I miss my daughter like crazy and spend most of the time thinking or talking about her when I get there!). I usually only go for one night; I tend to get the train at around 11am, then I usually get home by 4-5pm the next day depending on taxis from the station. It’s good to take some time away and just recharge and kinda be Amy rather than Mum in a sense…obviously I’ll forever be a mum but I mean it’s good to be able to get away and not have to worry about my daughter because I know she’s safe and happy with her Nanna (even more so as my mum sends me photos and videos to reassure me she’s fine), but one night is enough for me. I haven’t been able to visit my hometown since September last year because of paying for driving lessons, and I highly doubt I’ll get there at all this year as I want to wait until I’m able to drive there myself in order to save money as trains and taxis are ridiculous. So maybe I just need the silence because I haven’t had my ‘get away’ time this year. Who knows! Either way I’m quite content just sat on my sofa drinking cherryade and rambling away on my blog 🙂 

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My friend who recently started blogging posted something today where she spoke about a part of our teen years together, and she said something that I had honestly never realised before. She said that she has always felt like a consolation prize when it comes to us and boys, that any boy she liked actually fancied me but went for her because I wasn’t interested basically. I never even realised she felt that way, and I honestly never realised or noticed the male attention I must have received at that point of my life. I must have been so wrapped up in liking whoever I liked at the time that I was blind and oblivious to other guys giving me attention? I don’t know! But it made me feel bad that she felt that way, as I had no clue and obviously didn’t do it intentionally. In fact when we were friends I was always pretty jealous of her because of her figure and mainly the fact that she actually had boobs and I’ve always been a bit of an ironing board in that department! Her post also made me realise how bloody stupid we both were at certain points in our lives for our very bad decisions we sometimes made. It also made me wonder why and how we ended up kinda drifting apart and not really talking for a while…I actually can’t remember the last time I saw her which is sad as I honestly think if it wasn’t for her being part of my school life I really wouldn’t have coped with it at all…though both our attendances for school was awful as we both hated school so would always call in sick or be sent home from feeling unwell…we also barely ever done PE either, it all depended on what the activity was, the weather, who the teacher was, and if we’d shaved our legs or not as to whether we’d join in or sit out haha! We were pretty inseparable really, so I have no idea how or why that changed. I am glad I have her back in my life, even if it is just via cyber space and letter writing. Every tall person needs a shorter friend right? (Sorry S please don’t hurt me haha!) I really hope she writes more ‘story time’ posts about our past, I love reading back on memories the way that others remember them, and we have some bloody good memories! 

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I had a pretty long chat with a guy today…I had a knock on my door and stood there was this gorgeous lad who was a fundraiser for Alzheimer’s Research UK. He was so smiley and cheery, and bloody hilarious I think we stood chatting for a good half hour or more. He was my height, shaved head, and half Turkish so he had that beautiful slightly tanned skin tone. He’d not long had his first tattoo done as part of a sleeve on his right arm of a tiger and a rose so far, and was saying how he’s at that awful stage of it scabbing and flaking which isn’t the nicest lol we then spoke about my tattoos as I completely forgot that all I was wearing when I answered the door is a pair of quarter length leggings and a tight ish vest top…I haven’t been that ‘exposed’ in front of a stranger for a few years! (I always used to wear tight jeans and fitted tops but after my daughter I stick to baggier stuff now due to lack of confidence) He was lovely, easy to chat to and have a laugh with…then he mentioned he was 18 which put me off a bit, then he mentioned he was moving in with his girlfriend next week (all future plans of marrying him and having more gorgeous children went out the window! I’m joking obviously calm down). But it was nice to have a face to face chat with someone for a bit, even if he was a complete stranger, it brightened my day anyway. And I actually phoned up the charity after and told them how brilliant he was so he can get the praise he deserves. One things for sure, his girlfriend is one lucky lady! Haha! 

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I have actually now come upstairs as I could hear my daughter talking in her sleep and I thought she’d woken up because she was calling for me…but no she was just dreaming! But I thought sod it I’ll stay in bed now I’m here! 

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So tomorrow is of course Wednesday which means my mum will be staying over for the night. I’m impressed with myself I actually remembered to take the chicken and the bacon out of the freezer and put them in fridge ready for tomorrow when I’m cooking chicken wrapped in bacon with cheese in the middle. I love this dish, but I hate making it as I can’t stand the feel of uncooked meat, so that’s gonna be fun! Thursday I then have just a 2 hour driving lesson; I purposely done this as I know for a fact on Thursday I’m not going to be 100% due to the fact it would have been Andrews 30th birthday but now it’s his birthday and a year since he died, so it’s going to be a tricky day so I thought it was best to just do a 2 hour lesson so that it goes quicker and I don’t have to try and focus for too long. I’ve got a post ready for Thursday to put up on here about losing Andrew that I’ve written in my phones note section (thank you iPhone for having that feature!) that I keep going back to and editing, it’s a pretty deep post as you can probably imagine, but it’s one I need to write. 

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I’m still not feeling 100% yet, this cold I’ve got from being run down isn’t great, and because I feel yuck it’s making me feel more fun down! Big nasty circle! 

I have however managed to finally finish my 2nd assessment from my distance learning course, now I just need to write it up neatly in the booklet and send it off! It’s not due until July 22nd but I always send stuff in early. 

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It’s really scary to think that in a few weeks my little 2 year old is turning 3! Time has gone so fast 😦 the faster this year goes, the closer it gets to needing to apply for a school place for her to start part time in September next year…I want to keep my baby forever she’s growing up too quick!! Soon she’ll be 18 and leaving her poor old mum all alone singing into a wine bottle to Celine Dion whilst miming the drum solo…(if no one understands that reference, you clearly haven’t seen Bridget Jones and if that’s the case…what on earth are you doing with your life? Haha!). But seriously, why does time have to go so fast? It’s terrifying. 

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Anyway I guess that’s enough rambling from me tonight! Time to try and get comfy though it seems my RLS is gonna play up tonight!  Though I will quickly say, please give me some suggestions as to what you want to read on my blog like if there’s any particular subjects you want me to talk about or whatever, I’d be interested to know and would do my best to make it happen 🙂 Have a good week everyone. 

🔹immeamy, you’re you, and that’s the best way to be🔹

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