Chatty Tuesday 

Evening! 

Well, that was a rather stressful 20 mins!! When it’s time for bed, I usually turn the tv off and my daughter will go and put the big light on in the living room so that I can turn off the lamp. She then chooses a couple of toys to take upstairs with her and we go up and get sorted for bed. Nice and easy! HA! Not tonight! Instead I turn the tv off, she refuses to do the light so I do it, then she decides she was a big big of toys, a carry box of toys, and a small box of toys all upstairs with her…none of which she wants to carry. So, I pick up the bag and carry box and tell her that’s enough let’s go upstairs…she then SCREAMS and I mean proper hearty screams at me “no mummy more toys now!”. I then walk away from her screaming at me (I don’t take orders from anyone screaming at me) and take the bag and carry box upstairs…this makes her scream even louder. I go back down to get her and her face is red and sweaty from her tantrum. She then hands me the small box and happily toddles off upstairs as if nothing happened. She even had her nappy changed with no problem, and done some counting on her fingers ever so sweetly. We then read a paw patrol story and she’s now slowly dozing off watching Numberjacks. She really is like Dr Jekyl and Mr Hyde lately! One minute she’s lovely, the next it’s like satan himself has been unleashed! 

My daughter as a whole is usually a really well behaved kid, she says please and thank you like a saint, says “you’re welcome” if I say thank you to her, and is just generally nice to be around…but my christ when she kicks off she really kicks off! Though her tantrums don’t last long, she usually calms down and goes back to being all sweet as if that hellish chaotic outburst didn’t happen. Maybe she’s having her terrible twos stage now a week before her third birthday to get it out of her system? Let’s just hope that 3 is a nice age…please haha! 

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So the plan of action tomorrow is to get up and get down to the local shop for any bits we need like electric and soft drinks (the tap water here isn’t great so I usually have to buy something to drink!) and some chocolate seeing as I’ve run out! I think we’ll have to walk the long way round to the shop though as they’re resurfacing the pavement of the alleyway we normally go through…atleast my daughter likes going in her pushchair at the moment, otherwise it’d take us forever to walk there and back going the long way! Though pushing a buggy I do realise how unfit I am…I huff and puff more than the big bad wolf I’m so unfit haha! End up sounding like a heavy smoker by the time I’m home (I don’t even smoke!). I’ve got to remember to post off my second assessment and my monthly letter to my friend Sam as I received hers today along with an awesome drawing she done of me and my daughter as superheroes! And I also need to take out some money to pay for more driving lessons…I am really hoping I’ll be at least test ready if not passed by the end of September, these lessons are costing me an absolute bloody fortune! Once we’re back home it’s then time to wait for my mum to arrive. We’ve got the fun task of sorting out my daughters toys tomorrow ready to make space for her birthday stuff…it’s definitely a 2 person job as my daughter empties stuff as quick as you fill it lol but I’m sure together we will get it sorted. Then Thursday morning I have a 3 hour driving lesson which is gonna knacker me out but hey I gotta learn! Note to self, stay at 60mph on the link road, move up through the gears more confidently, and stop forgetting about your left door mirror! 

I was chatting to my Nan on Skype the other day, and it was pretty upsetting. I was telling her about how I’ve got to set up my daughters birthday banners once a she’s asleep etc next week and my Nan bursts into tears. This is the first birthday of my daughters that she won’t be here for, because she can’t do train journeys by herself anymore, can’t drive the 2 hour distance herself, and has no one to bring her here 😦 it makes me upset because obviously I want her here for my daughters birthday so that she can see her as she hasn’t seen her since her 2nd birthday. I’m hoping, that my nans brother can bring her up and take her back at the end of the month, she’ll be so upset if she can’t get here at all around my daughters birthday. Obviously once I can drive I’ll happily pick her up and take her back etc, which is why I want to be done and passed by the end of September so that in November I can maybe take myself, my daughter and my mum to see her for her birthday, and then at Xmas I’ll be able to bring her here and take her back after New Years. I hate not being able to see her very often; I grew up at first living in my nans house, then when we moved out I then stayed with her every single weekend and saw her in the week too as she’d often take me to school. Even in summer holidays etc is always happily go and stay with my Nan. So being away from her has been and is difficult. We speak on the phone or via Skype video chat every day so that’s better than nothing. I do take comfort in knowing that she’s got her sister round the corner from her, and that she’s got some good friends where she lives that she sees every day. I just wish we could see her more often…even more reason to try my absolute hardest with my driving…I’m determined to do well this week with no fuck ups like last week, and to be confident in myself and my abilities….you wait I’ll majorly fuck up now I’ve said that lol. 

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I found it funny the other day how my blog post about makeup got so many views and likes yet my chatty topical posts rarely get a like or some don’t even get any views. I don’t have enough makeup or makeup skills to be just a beauty blogger for the views, and if I did then it wouldn’t be me. I started this blog because I like to chat about all sorts not just one topic. I opened a public Instagram account and a twitter account for my blog (@Blogger_immeamy)  to try and gain some more viewers and followers, and to have a place for people to get involved with my writing like with asking me questions or requesting subjects to write about…but it’s not really made a blind bit of difference if I’m honest. I post something asking for input yet I get a couple of likes but no input from anyone! Maybe I’m just really shit at blogging? Maybe people find me boring and uninteresting? I don’t know. I did think about closing my WordPress account down in all honesty; I see so many others getting loads of followers etc yet I can’t even get to 50…maybe I’m doing something wrong? I don’t know. I mean when I first started this I had the attitude of I don’t care if I don’t get any readers this is just for me to ramble away about anything I feel like. But in reality, I guess I do care about followers etc, because I want to share my posts with others, I want to interact with other people, I want to help people if I can with any advice I can give…but if I have no followers, or any that interact, I feel I’m not really sharing anything and I’m just still talking to myself. Ah well, I’ll keep writing, if anything it keeps me busy and distracted for a bit I suppose. 

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Yet again I appear to be going through radio silence when it comes to some friends, whether I message them or not I appear to not exist again at the moment to some people. Starting to think I’m just a really boring person to talk to if I’m honest! Just annoys me when I’m forgotten about without any explanation at all I guess, it’s a bit disheartening and makes ya feel a bit rejected in a sense. But hey ho, I’ll just carry on with my life whether I have friends or not…I seem to have a fair few ‘fair weather friends’ that never stay for long…though I guess it’s always been like that, I just notice it more now where (other than my daughter) I’m alone all day every day. I’m that bored of talking to myself that I even thought about opening up the dating app again just to have people to talk to…sad right? I didn’t though, couldn’t be doing with more rejection haha! Shit happens right? 


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Anyway if anyone’s reading this well done for getting this far, my ramblings probably don’t make sense or are of any interest to anyone but sod it it’s here. I’m gonna play some games on my phone, aimlessly scroll through social media and then attempt to sleep. 

I’ll be back Thursday for my driving lessons update as usual. 

🔹immeamy, you’re you, and that’s the best way to be🔹

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