Time goes so fast

It’s currently 9:40pm, at this time on this day in 2014 my contractions had been getting stronger and I was getting ready to go into hospital. 

Earlier in the evening, around 6:30pm I was at my nans and I perched on the end of the sofa explaining to her why people use those big exercise balls when pregnant to bring on labour…I done the kind of movement and I suddenly felt like I’d wet my self a little bit…I ran to the toilet and BOOM, my waters had broke (luckily in the toilet!) I remember sitting there, and shouting out to my mum and nan “I think my waters have broke”, they both came into the bathroom to look and see if I was right, and sure enough I was. Now I never knew that your waters could just keep on coming, I thought you had one gush of water and that’s it…nope! Mine kept on coming for hours I don’t think I’ve ever gone through so many knickers! 

We phoned the hospital once I’d gotten off the toilet, and they said to “come in tomorrow afternoon just take it easy”. My contractions started pretty instantly after my waters had broken, so we padded me up with sanitary towels, put a towel on the car seat and Nan took me and my mum back to my flat. The pain of my contractions got very intense quite quickly, I spent a lot of time on the toilet because my waters just kept on coming (I had a huge bump so probably had a lot in there!). My mum then phoned her friend who worked at the maternity hospital as a kind of midwife assistant, and she came over to try and reassure me that I was ok. Julie then popped home to grab her stuff, and came back with a pad on her front car seat (kinda like a puppy training pad) for me to sit on and we went to the hospital. I think we got there around 10:30pm, and when I was checked by a midwife, I was already 4cm dilated so they kept me in (I was dreading them saying they’d send me home!). Long story short, my daughters heart rate stayed perfectly steady throughout labour, she did get stuck meaning I had to be cut but other than that she was perfectly fine. She was born at 2:22am the following morning weighing 10lbs 1oz and was 53cm long. She was weighed 3 times as no one believed she was a ten pounder! She was perfectly healthy, and had a whole bottle straight away. My little creation was (and still is) perfect. We were kept in hospital an extra night for reasons I won’t go into (nothing medical related, though it’s lucky I did stay because they found out my bladder was holding far too much and worried that something had been damaged inside stopping me needing a wee, but I was fine). 

I still to this day can’t believe I’m a mum. I’ve always wanted to be a mum, and when I was younger I was told I couldn’t have children due to my miscarriages. (All very early on luckily, so I didn’t need any intrusive procedures to remove anything etc, just an internal examination and scan) so when I fell pregnant even though it wasn’t the best situation to be in (I was single and wasn’t with the father) I was both excited and terrified. Excited because I wanted to be a mum so badly, but terrified that I’d lose it. When I had all my checkups and was told that everything was going perfectly, I was so happy. And sure enough my pregnancy was fine- I had pelvic pain from how heavy my bump was, back pain because my daughter was back to back with me, swollen feet, and the morning sickness feeling (that wasn’t just in the morning but all day pretty much every day throughout my whole pregnancy) but I wasn’t seriously ill or suffering complications etc. 

My little girl has saved my life. Before I knew I was pregnant I wasn’t looking after myself at all and looking back I was going through a bit of a breakdown again just fairly slowly. I was drinking far too much alcohol to the stage where I was drinking every day, I wasn’t eating properly, and just generally didn’t care about myself anymore. As soon as I saw that positive result on the pregnancy test, it’s like something in me clicked and I immediately started looking after myself by not drinking alcohol at all, and eating properly etc. 

Having my daughter also bought back my relationship with my mum. We hadn’t spoken for 2 years due to a massive falling out, but when I found out I was pregnant I messaged her (didn’t have a phone number) and told her. From then on we’ve been stronger than we ever have been. 

I moved away from my home town to start fresh and have a nicer place to bring my daughter up away from all the backstabbers and ghosts of my past. I didn’t want to be around the negativity, I had become agoraphobic terrified of going out incase someone approached us or tried to take my daughter from me. Moving away was the best thing for both of us. 

I can’t imagine my life without my daughter, she gives me a reason to be here, she gives me a purpose. I can’t begin to explain how much she means to me and how much I love her, there’s no words great enough in this world to even begin to explain it. 

Tomorrow, my little girl will be 3. I can’t believe how fast the time has gone, it seems like only yesterday I was terrified to even change her nappy incase she broke like a china doll. I’ll forever be grateful to her for saving me from myself, and for being such an awesome little character who never fails to make me laugh with her cheekiness and silliness. It makes me both happy and sad that she’s growing up so fast…happy to see her learning and growing, but sad that it’s all happening so fast and soon she’ll be going to school leaving me to feel lost without her for those few hours. 

I love my little beastie baby, and I wouldn’t change her for the world. She’s my sunshine on a cloudy day, the twinkle in my eye, and the beat to my heart that I will cherish and love forever and a day and beyond. ❤️

The one thing I’m proud of in my life, is being a mum to my beautiful girl. Nothing will top that. 

🔹immeamy, you’re you and that’s the best way to be🔹

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