This is a question I’ve been asked for years even before I was pregnant with my daughter.
Growing up, most if not all of my friends had atleast one sibling. I can’t say I ever longed for a brother or sister, but sometimes I guess I wished I had someone to play games with…for an only child I had a lot of multi player board games but no one to play with. My mum didn’t always have the time to sit and play snakes and ladders with me, so I’d quite often play it by myself in my room, which could get pretty lonely at times. The good thing about being an only child though, was that I never had to share the attention I did get with anyone else; my mum was mine and no one else’s, so I did quite like being an only child 99% of the time.
However, now that I’m 24, and everyone around me is getting older, I wish that I did have a sibling. As morbid as this is going to sound, when my parents die, I’ll have no one ‘above me’ in the family (presuming that grandparents and other older relatives have gone by then). And that terrifies me. It would be me that would have to arrange funerals etc (though my mum actually wants her body to go to medical science so I guess I wouldn’t have to sort a funeral, but I would still have to sort her stuff alone etc). In all honesty, thinking about it I’m not sure how I’d actually find out if my dad has died in the future, because the only family member of his that he speaks to is his own dad and I can’t see him outliving my dad…that’s a worrying thought. Anyway, it’s not just the fact of having to sort everything by myself, it’s the fact that I’d have no one to really grieve with; being a mum I would have to be the strong one for my daughter, but I’d have no one for me if that makes sense? I don’t see my cousins, or have a close bond with them anymore so when all the older relatives pass away I won’t even have the support of my cousins who are a few years older than me…I’m the youngest adult of the family.
So this kinda made me think about my own daughter. I would hate for her to be alone once I pass away and have to deal with everything by herself. Since having her, I said that I’m happy enough just with her and wouldn’t really want anymore children, though if it happens it happens… but recently I’ve changed my mind. I think that I want one more child, when my daughter is a bit older I’m not saying I want one right now; purely so that she always has someone once I’m gone. Is that kinda selfish in a sense? I don’t know.
The only thing is, I’m fine with being single, and if I could have a baby just by myself I’d be perfectly fine I don’t think I really want to ‘share’ parenting because I’ve done it alone this time round and I wouldn’t want to miss out on things because the father was ‘in charge’ at the time…does that make sense? Also, if I were to be in a stable relationship with a genuine loving man, and we had a child together, I wouldn’t want him to push my daughter out because of not being blood related…I think before I would even consider having a child with a stable relationship the man would have to prove that he will be a Dad to my daughter too and not push her out or treat her differently. Obviously when you have kids and get into any relationship, they have to accept your child and treat them as their own in my opinion. Me and and my daughter are a team, if you want to love me you’ll have to love her too or you’re gone.
In all honesty, I think in the future if I can afford IVF treatment privately then I probably would go for it. I don’t want another child just for me, I want another child for my daughter too. I might consider adoption of a baby, however as horrible as this sounds I wouldn’t want to adopt a child who is likely to have inherited issues purely because I wouldn’t want my daughter to end up pushed out from me having to give extra care to another child because of their issues, it just wouldn’t be fair on her. (Please note I have nothing against disabilities etc of any kind, I’ve been a support worker and I want to help the vulnerable people with these issues, if I didn’t have my daughter and was looking in to adoption then I would purposely choose the child with the disability to give my full attention to and because they’re more likely to stay in care longer. But because I already have a daughter, it wouldn’t be fair on either of them. Obviously if I had a 2nd child of my own and they were born with issues it’s a bit different. It’s hard to explain but I’m being realistic here not a dickhead)
I’m saying all this, and in years to come my daughter could say to me that she never wants a sibling haha! But hey I’m just venting my recent thoughts I guess. They probably make no sense, but ah well life doesn’t always make sense does it!
Anyone else ever had the same kinda thoughts as me on this subject?
🔹immeamy, you’re you, and that’s the best way to be🔹