I should be doing stuff, not rambling here 

I had a plan last night, that today I’d do a few questions on my last assessment, do some drawing, then read some more of Happy Mum Happy Baby by Giovanna Fletcher. I even saved some pictures from google to use and adapt in my drawing…though now I’ve realised I have no idea where my pencils are (I always prefer drawing with mechanical pencils) so that’s kinda put me off drawing. 

I’ve got plenty of time to do my assessment as it’s not due in until the 22nd of August, but I don’t want to be rushing to get it done. Instead of doing a couple questions, I’m now sat rambling away on this post, and half watching the rain out the window and Toy Story on the TV because it’s obviously more constructive than doing my work. But hey, maybe after I’m done rambling it’ll free a space in my head for me to get on with it…who knows! 


Something else that isn’t helping, is that I’ve run out of chocolate. For me this is like taking alcohol away from an alcoholic. I could go to the shop and get some more, but that would involve putting makeup on, getting changed out of my lounge wear, getting my daughter dressed (she doesn’t keep clothes on indoors lately, she prefers just being in her nappy), and going out in the rain which I really can’t be bothered to do…so I’m stuck all weekend without chocolate 😦 


I’ve come to realise that since David Bowie died last year along with my closest friend Andrew, I don’t deal too well with death. It seems that the ones who helped me the most through dark times are dying. Chester Bennington was a massive part of my life growing up, his attitude and music helped me get through a lot of dark times during my teen years. I also think he was the first tattooed man I ‘fancied’. He had a huge impact on my life, so to hear of him dying feels like a friend has died, or a family member…I’ve never met Chester or even been to any of his gigs, but I didn’t need to do that to connect to him and his music. It just fucking sucks really. 


On a lighter note, my Nan phoned me yesterday to tell me that her brother and his wife have said they will bring her here to visit us once she’s up to it. I posted fairly recently about my Nan being in hospital with pancreatitis, well it turns out what caused it was an injection she had the day before for her arthritis that they were trying her on (it’s an injection you have every 6 months instead of taking some of the medication everyday). What they didn’t tell her was that this injection has been known to cause pancreatitis in people! She’s still not 100% now, as her arthritis has flared up from the hospital taking her off all her medication and now putting her back on it all, and her pancreas is still producing too much of an enzyme or something…not worrying amounts but still too much. But with my Aunty and uncle offering to bring her here for a few days, I think it’s cheered her up and given her something to look forward to. Hopefully by the time she’s able to visit I should be close to passing my driving test so it won’t be a long wait to see her again as I can go and get her. Fingers crossed! 

Talking of driving lessons, I didn’t post an update this week purely because all I’m doing now is perfecting everything so there’s not much to write about as I’m not learning anything new. I will obviously post about it when I’ve passed…I’m not planning on telling anyone when I’m doing my theory or practical test purely because it’ll put more pressure on me and I’ll feel even more shit if I fail. Once I have passed, I will say how many attempts it took me and how many minors I got etc. I’m still waiting for my mum to phone the test centre to ask for prices and when they have slots available for theory tests (it costs me too much to phone them myself) and she’s also got to see when my stepdad is available to take me there to do it as I can’t get there any other way. I hate waiting around I just wanna get it over and done with. I’m actually more nervous about doing my theory than practical now, purely because I don’t do well in exam conditions :/ so I’m kinda shitting it a bit! I’m not even aiming to get 100%, as long as I pass I don’t care what score I get. Just hope I can pass! I just wanna be driving Im getting so fed up of not being able to really go anywhere! Even little things like being able to do food shopping…I hate having to rely on home delivery because when it comes to fresh food they don’t always pick out the nicest looking stuff, like quite often I’ve got bruised apples or even broken eggs. I hate shopping but I want to be able to go and choose stuff myself. Praying I’ll be passed and ready to get a car by the end of September. Fingers crossed. 


I recently got some little folders/plastic wallet things to keep all my letter writing stuff in like envelopes, writing paper, cards etc which makes me happy as I like organisation like that…just wish I had more people to write to! And that my letters from others would actually arrive, my friend sof sent a postcard last week and I never received it! We’ve recently got 2 new postmen who I’m not keen on so I’ll blame them! 


Talking of being organised, if you were to look round my house you wouldn’t think I was organised at all. It’s full of my daughters toys that she just seems to spread out everywhere, and I don’t always put clean washing away straight away (often because I’m hanging new washing up late at night and have no energy left to put the dry stuff away). I see pictures of other people’s houses and see them all spotless and sparkling..part of me wishes my house was like that, but in reality at least my house looks lived in instead of a show home. I wouldn’t dream of taking all my daughters toys away from the living room, she’s only 3 she’s not old enough to go play in her room alone so for now the living room is her play room too…I just wish she’d learn to put some stuff away after emptying everything 😂 My house isn’t dirty, there’s a difference between dirty and messy…it’s just currently taken over by my hurricane of a daughter 😂 yes it does my head in some days and I wish it’d stay tidy longer than 5 mins, but that’s part of having a toddler really! The stuff I do have organised, are things like my stationery and books and dvds etc which are all in places that she doesn’t get to! And I’m an organised person in the sense of making plans…for example whenever I’ve visited my hometown, I always know the exact train to get atleast a week before, got a bag sorted a week or more before, and even decided what to wear. I’m a list maker, I like schedules and being on time and knowing what I’m doing. If someone like my mum says they’re coming over but don’t know what time, it really bugs me as I like to know at least a rough time. I hate lateness. When I was at school, even though I hated it I would still arrive at least half an hour early every morning, and I’d have my bag sorted the night before. Same with work, I’d always be early. 


I am getting some serious withdrawals from not having a tattoo in a year…I used to get tattooed every month at one point, but obviously moving away and being a mum I can’t get out to get them as easily now. Once I’ve passed my driving test and got a car etc I’ve got to save up £350 for a portrait tattoo on my thigh that I desperately want an artist called Chris Hatch to do for me- he’s actually discounted the price a bit because it’s a tattoo he really wants to do. So I wanna get that done, and there’s also a smaller scale tattoo I want done on my arm which I can find an artist round here to do for me which is a Friends themed tattoo (the tv show). But again, I’ve got to prioritise with money at the moment so tattoos have gotta wait! 


I don’t think I’ve got anything else to ramble about…and I bet I don’t do any of my assessment after this 😂 

Have a good weekend 

🔹immeamy, you’re you, and that’s the best way to be🔹


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