Snuggly Lazy Sunday 

In my house, Sunday’s are made for relaxing which usually means staying in our pyjamas. 

My daughter is beyond a fussy eater and doesn’t eat roast dinners (or any hot food other than toast!) so I don’t even have to do food preparation or loads of washing up. Though once she’s grown out of this fussiness my god I hope it’s soon! I will happily make a roast on a Sunday for us both…still in pjays though of course! 

Our food shopping delivery is coming today between 2 and 4, so once that’s arrived I can stuff my face with goodies haha! 

The slow cooker is on again with leftovers from yesterday’s sausage casserole so I don’t even really need to do any cooking today. Turkey sausages, tinned tomatoes, carrot, onion, casserole mix, mixed herbs, salt and black pepper all then put into a giant yorkie pud. 

Until our food shopping arrives, my daughter has Disney junior on tv and I’m gonna get some reading done! 

Hope you all have a good day 🙂 

🔹immeamy, you’re you, and that’s the best way to be🔹


Anxiety and me.

I’ve always been a natural worrier, with a touch of paranoia chucked in too. Since I became pregnant with my daughter, and after having her my anxiety has actually taken a massive hit.

 While I was pregnant I became quite anxious when out on my own as throughout my pregnancy I suffered from ‘morning sickness’ all day (though not throwing up the yucky feeling was bad enough), my daughter was back to back with me making it rather uncomfortable to carry her aswell as the fact she was a heavy baby; so I often felt pretty rough and suffering from low blood pressure (had that all my life and still do) meant that I often felt dizzy so I was terrified of passing out or feeling unwell whilst out on my own. I also had the added anxiety about whether or not I’d miscarry so that didn’t help. 

Once I had my daughter, there was a lot of issues surrounding other people that went on (which I will not go into) resulting in me becoming agoraphobic and afraid of my own shadow. The only place I felt safe with my daughter was at my Nans flat, we would stay there about 3-4 nights a week. 

My anxiety was so bad I could no longer stay in my hometown, I had to move away where no one knew me and I could feel safe, so that’s what I done. 

Even though moving away helped ease my anxiety and agoraphobia, and I feel safe where we live, I still find I’m more jumpy than I used to be before becoming a Mum. 

For example, houses creak and click from temperature changes etc; my mind however hears a normal house creak and it panics thinking that there’s someone breaking in or that someone had gotten in while I was out and hidden. My logical mind fights against it telling me that it’s nothing, but it’s not always easy to ignore the anxious side which can sometimes lead to panic attacks. 

When I go out, I’m more aware of my surroundings; I’ve always been a people watcher, but now I pay even more attention to those around me and I always have ‘exit routes’ mapped out in my head wherever I go- even on buses I will only sit near the front or right at the back next to the emergency exit. 

I can’t watch the news or read about terrible things such as terrorist attacks as it fuels my anxiety even more; I used to be perfectly fine travelling somewhere by train, but now I can’t bring myself to do it.

I think becoming a mum made my anxiety worse because now I’m responsible for not just myself, but a little girl too. I have to look after myself and keep myself safe in order to look after her and keep her safe. Atleast that’s my opinion on it anyway! 

Anxiety attacks/panic attacks affect people in different ways- some people pass out, shake, be sick, become breathless, whereas others can appear to be ‘fine’ on the outside but inside their mind is rushing with thoughts and feelings etc. I am more of the silent type that to a stranger looks fine, but if im in public I fidget (tapping my legs/feet) and try to control my breathing, usually if I find somewhere to sit and have a soft drink it helps. When anxiety hits at night at home, usually when I’m in bed, I again have to try and regulate my breathing and talk myself out of panicking. Sometimes if it’s been really bad then I have been sick from it but that doesn’t happen often. If there’s a spider I have to get rid of, I’ve been known to cry, shake and be sick through fear. I think one main tell tale sign of me having an issue with anxiety, is that I will pick/scratch at the skin around my finger nails, bite my lips/inside of cheeks sometimes til they become sore and even bleed without realising, and I gently scratch my head as a kind of soother. Most of the time I don’t realise I’m doing it or atleast don’t realise how bad I’ve done it such as making my lip sore from biting it. 

Anxiety is scary when it hits, and it can be hard to control. So please, if you know someone who suffers from anxiety, be understanding. Don’t get mad at them because they won’t go on a night out, truth is they probably wish they could but it’s too much for their anxiety. I know that with me, the thought of having people stay at my house other than my mum or Nan puts me on edge, along with going to places I’ve never been to before. Give them time, don’t leave them out and try to encourage but don’t be pushy with it. Most of all, don’t guilt trip them or call them stupid for their fears. Just because someone appears to be ok, doesn’t mean they are so just make sure they know you’re there for them, and genuinely be there for them. Just because someone isn’t shaking and crying or passing out, doesn’t mean their anxiety isn’t severe. Like I said, everyone is affected differently. 
For those suffering with anxiety, a technique that I’ve used for years (which I later found out was a thing called grounding) is to put my hands on something flat and sturdy like a wall, push against it slightly and count to 10 as fast or slow as I need and as many times as I need. It just brings me back down to earth again when it’s got too much. I was surprised to see this technique used in a tv series called My Mad Fat Diary as I’d done it for years but thought it was just a random thing only I done. 

I don’t know whether this post will help anyone in any way, but I thought I’d share it with you even just to give you an insight as to what it’s like living with anxiety. 

🔹immeamy, you’re you, and that’s the best way to be🔹

Chatty Tuesday 

Ello everyone, I hope you’re all doing well. 

I’m still really struggling with what to write about on here, just can’t seem to get my head into a writing mood lately. If anyone has anything particular they’d like me to write about then let me know! Anything is welcome. 

So as my last post stated, I finally passed my theory test! I got 43points in the multiple choice bit which is the lowest pass mark possible but I don’t care a pass is a pass and I got 47 on the hazard perception bit last time I got 60 on the hazard perception part, but the videos this time made me feel so sick! It was like watching tv when the put a camera on a rollercoaster and it makes you feel like you’re on it. So happy that I managed to pass it second time round. Now, I’ve booked my driving test for November which my Nan has kindly paid for, so I’m hoping I can pass first time especially as from December 4th they’re changing the tests so I’d have to do more lessons to learn what they’re putting into it. I’m a bit more confident about my driving test than the theory test, I think it’s because I learn better physically doing something rather than just reading something. Just praying I get a nice examiner, as my instructor said there’s one who’s a bit grumpy and more strict with it so I really hope I don’t get him! Knowing my luck I will though! Fingers crossed I’ll pass. Then just gotta save for a car, though my stepdad has said that I can use his car til I get my own if needs be, which means if I do pass then I’ll hopefully be able to go and pick my Nan up for Xmas rather than trying to rely on other people to bring her here and take her home again. My stepdad is gonna help me when it comes to finding a car and insurance etc as I don’t have a clue what I’m doing! So yeah, send some good vibes please I need to pass this first time! Not just for me, but for my instructor as it looks better for him if I pass first time. I’ve told him that I’ll give him a good write up on their testimonials page thingy too because he’s honestly been fantastic. 

Haven’t got a driving lesson this week as I need to go into the local town to get Nans birthday card and some other stuff, I’m praying it doesn’t rain so I can wear my new suede boots I don’t have any of that protecting spray stuff yet but I’ve ordered some. I’ve got 2 driving lessons next week though one on Wednesday night which I’m shitting myself about and another on the Thursday morning for 3 hours. Got to nail the manoeuvres reverse round a corner and turn in a road, and pick up my speed once exiting a roundabout. Fingers crossed!

Anyway I’m gonna stop rambling as for some reason my phone isn’t liking WordPress and isn’t keeping up with my typing which is doing my head in! Mums over tomorrow as usual, then I’m off into town Thursday morning catching the earliest bus at 8:13am! Please don’t rain!

🔹immeamy, you’re you, and that’s the best way to be🔹

Every day should be World Mental Health Day

So today is world mental health day, though in my opinion EVERYDAY is mental health day. 

It amazes me that there’s still a massive stigma surrounding mental health. This needs to change. 

Mental health issues don’t subject themselves to a certain type of person. For example, the richest most gorgeous person in the world could suffer terribly from a mental illness. It doesn’t matter who you are, it can effect anyone, so never ask “what have you got to be depressed about your life is great”, because you never know what inner demons a person is battling every single day. 

A way that you can help, is to show people you care. Say good morning to the person passing you in the street, your acknowledgment of their existence could make their day just a little brighter. Ask your friends and family how they are, and really listen to them. Show them you genuinely care and don’t be judgemental. If you don’t understand something about mental health, either ask the person themselves (if they’re comfortable enough to explain) or do some research yourself. Just look out for others whether you know them or not. 

If you are someone who suffers from a mental health issue, please don’t be afraid to speak out. There will always be someone to listen to you; whether it’s someone you know, someone online, a medical professional, or a charity organisation there is always someone there. If you’re receiving treatment from a doctor that isn’t working for you, don’t give up, ask to see a different doctor until you find one that suits you and your needs, and remember to listen to your doctor; if they give you medication then take them as advised don’t be skipping pills or taking them whenever. Doctors are there to help you, and you need to be willing to help yourself a little too. Mental health issues do not define who you are as a person, for example; you have depression, that doesn’t mean you are depression. 

People with mental health issues can have good days too, they’re not always miserable or manic they can appear “normal” and happy too, and it doesn’t mean they’re faking it. They are able to feel true happiness and be content no matter what mental health issue they have…they’re still human. 

Just look out for each other, care for each other, listen to each other, and don’t be afraid to speak out. 

🔹immeamy, you’re you, and that’s the best way to be🔹

I’m ok.

I don’t know if anyone reading my blog cares how my doctor appointment for my throat went or not, but in case there are people who wanna know…

I explained to the doctor about why I was so worked up and worried about my throat, and she completely understood. She checked in my throat and said that it is a bit red, but the fleshy lump things are fine they’re just a normal thing for some people everyone’s throat is different. She then felt my neck and said that some of the lymph nodes were up a bit but nothing to be worried about it just means that I’ve either had or have a slight viral infection there’s a lot going round at the moment apparently. She also checked my temperature and pulse and said everything was fine, and that I should go back only if I feel Big hard lumps in my neck, and if I start having trouble swallowing etc. She didn’t give me any medication or tell me to take anything at home so it’s obviously something that will go away on it’s own eventually. 

Typically, yesterday I had a snuffy nose and slight croaky voice lol but I’m not worrying anymore which is good 🙂 

It is always best to see a doctor if you’re worried about anything, even just for peace of mind. 

🔹immeamy, you’re you, and that’s the best way to be🔹

I baked a cake!

Just a quick little post! I baked a cake for my stepdad as it’s his birthday on Saturday. It was the Betty Crocker lemon cake 🙂 

My daughter helped by putting the sprinkles on 🙂 apparently it tasted really good (I hate lemon so didn’t try any). 

Mum got me a new hoody which I’m in love with. Think she got it from Aldi or Lidl I can’t remember what she said! But either way it’s so soft and comfy I wore it for my driving lesson today 🙂 

Speaking of driving lessons, it went really well today we got quite a lot done which is good. I’ve got my theory test again next week and another 3 hour lesson. Hopefully I pass this time!! 

This is a really random post, but I’ll be honest, I’m rambling away because I’m terrified of my doctors appointment tomorrow about my throat. I’ve noticed there’s more of the ‘fleshy lumps’ that have appeared on both sides and a couple on the very back of my tongue…they still don’t hurt at all and I’ve got no other symptoms of anything…but I’m really REALLY getting anxious about it. My appointment is at 2pm, and I’ve got to take my daughter with me; I’m hoping she’ll go in her buggy so that she won’t be running about. I’m also praying that it’s nothing otherwise I am going to breakdown if it’s something serious or sinister. But I try to keep telling myself it’s nothing like throat cancer because I have no symptoms etc…but my brain always thinks the worst. I’m just so petrified of having anything seriously wrong with me, that it makes me really anxious 😦 

Someone re-wire my brain to stop me feeling so scared and worried 😦 

Sorry guys, just needed to get it out I guess. I don’t feel like I have anyone I can really talk to about it, I can’t talk to my mum because she also gets scared about throat cancer, and I can’t talk to one of my friends about it because they have their own medical stuff going on. Just praying it’s me being silly and over anxious. Why can’t my appointment be an earlier one to get it over and done with?! It’s stupid I’m trying so hard not to cry while cuddling my daughter. I just don’t want it to be anything serious. Please, please don’t let it be anything serious 

Anyway, tomorrow I’ve also got a shopping delivery instead of it coming Monday because we need more nappies and the local shop doesn’t sell them 😩 but that’s coming between 5 and 7 so won’t affect my appointment. 

🔹immeamy, you’re you, and that’s the best way to be🔹